Wife found me lying on the garage floor burning up with a high fever, have no recollection of that, with the neighbors help, took me to ER, don't recall that either exactly one year ago, Required major surgery that last over six hours as I was told, a stint was infected near my backbone, so everything up front had to be removed and replaced.
Really had some weird dreams and was in the hospital for nine super long weeks in recovery, could not walk for one. When I did get home, met the neighbor across the street, a minister, told me his parish prayed for me, thanked him very much.
There has got to be some kind of creator, everything is way too complicated to be an accident, besides our bodies, all of our needs good be found on this planet.
I do wonder why the Creator gave us a fantastic amount of fossil fuels that really improved our life style. Yes there is nuclear fusion, but a billion more times as complicated as nuclear fission, but far safer. But then we have idiots telling us that carbon is causing global warming.
For one thing, only going back 140 years for earth temperature changes and CO2 only occupies 0.06% of the atmosphere and the CO2 molecule is only resonate to a very narrow spectrum of the suns ray to retain heat, and only when the sun is out. The other 99.994% of the atmosphere is basically water. Really have a bunch of idiots or liars calling themselves green people. Rather have ten gallons of gas in my car than a lithium ion battery in a collision. Damaging that battery will cause super heat to quickly bake you alive. And is still powered by fossil fuels to generate the electricity to charge it.
I went to a church close by, ask to see a minister. He asked me what is going on. I told said above story. He basically told me to make peace with god. I asked him, do you know who or what I am talking about? Maybe to much Sunday wine!
Essentially, I write about this to document what I am feeling in my time of feeling. This is my way of dealing in sorts.
But it does not underly the fact that I am very worried/scared/useless
I am 44 now, my sister is 48. Way to young to die.
The other day, was watching news. Some guy decided he would throw himself over niagara falls. And he f ing survived. A buddy of a buddy, was on news also, lost his head. Literally. Coming back from work break, got killed. Sandblast machine blew a gasket or some other, ppl are investigating. He was not even there for sandblasting. Conundrum.
In the grand scheme of thing, a black hole is very astute for a god right now. My bosses are very forgiving right now. I am happy my co workers know. When I pitch a tool, I am probably dealing with personal shyte.
Since I only have one sister, for me that is a big loss.
So now, I have to deal with that, as an atheist. No god here. Just neurons and never ending universe. If there is a master plan, My hat is off. Tilting, and swaying, just to make sure, a last prayer will maybe help my sister.