Audew Jump Starter


BAT Auto Editor
Feb 10, 2013
Second in a 3 part series of reviews of products given for free to the editorial side of BAT Auto.

Last night I was driving home from work at about 6 PM. I work on boats in Florida and was leaving the last boat. I hadn't been feeling well all day, so I had been drinking a lot of water to try to fight off the headache and cold that I felt creeping on. As I left the last boat, I felt all the water suddenly hit my bladder and as I got into the car I knew that I was either going to pee my pants or have to find a quickie mart before I got on I-95. I was in a section of town where there are not that many stores, and as I drove I was thinking that I might just find a discrete place and go into the bushes. And just when I decided before the freeway to veer off into a neighborhood, I drove by a super ghetto quickie mart secretly located under the freeway.

I made a hard right turn in my ford explorer and jumped out. It was pitch dark, and I was wearing prescription sunglasses. It goes from sunny to dark in a hurry and early this time of year in the tropics. It was warm out also about 82 degrees. As I approached the ghetto mart which had metal bars all over it and some drug dealers sitting in the dark in wife beaters outside it, one of them hailed me. "Hey man." I wasn't about to stop - (1) thinking I was about to pee on myself, and (2) nothing this guy could say was going to do me any good.

I walked in and looked for a bathroom. The place was a disaster. I didn't see a bathroom, so I asked the guy behind the counter who was also in a wife beater. "Do you have a bathroom here?" He pointed me to a unmarked door in the back. Sitting outside it on a chair was a hooker. I walked by her and through into a utility area and then found in the back corner the head. Wow it stunk and there were no-see-ums - tiny bugs that bite you. Scrawled on the wall were weird words and doodlings. It was a filthy bathroom, but I was very happy. The last time I had peed in my pants was in college when I was delirious in the woods on a hike of Mt St Helens. I let loose a solid 2 minute firehose.

While I was peeing, I kept hearing noises. At one point I thought I heard someone enter the utility area outside the bathroom. I was thinking damn my luck. I am sick, tired, getting eaten alive by fleas back here, and now someone is going to rob me. But no one did, and as soon as I had relieved my bladder, I started having the urge to get the hell out of this place. I was thinking when I left if I should buy something in the store to show my thanks for using the toilet. But I was really not in the mood. I flushed the toilet, walked out of the bathroom, through the dank utility room, and back into the ghetto mart.

As I passed the hooker she hailed me. I was in a better mood to listen a little now. She said something that I did not quite catch. "Excuse me. Can you say that again?" I said.

"Can you help me jump my car?" said the hooker.
"Sure. Of course," I said

So she followed me outside. As I got outside the drug dealer also re-hailed me again and seeing the hooker in tow said, "Awww good you can help her jump her car!" Now luck would have it and a religious person might call it fate, that Audew had send me a very slick looking jump starter ( ). I haven't used one before like it and although I had done some preliminary testing, I hadn't had a chance to actually jump a vehicle yet. The device is basically a big battery pack with ports to charge devices like phone. It also has clips to connect to and jump a battery.

The awe when I hooked up the jump starter for this hooker and drug dealers was classic. The hooker even took a photo of the device to buy one. I was certainly BAT Man yesterday night! :bat: One crank and the car fired up.

My biggest problem historically with these types of devices is that by the time you need it, the thing has been sitting in your car so long that the charge has dissipated. But for basic functionality, it was super slick. Forget having to orientate and worry how far apart two cars are and the length of cables you have. This jump starter also comes in a super slick case and everything is really well done I think.

So look for an update once I time test the dissipation. But my initial verdict is BAT :bat: approval of this jump starter.